Half-empty.

Walking away again.
Scared to move, to say what you truly feel.
Afraid that one day, one single action will ruin everything.

It's better to hide.

And so long, farewell.

Four more days.
Four more assignments/exams/reports to conquer.

Then it's time to play catch.

Freak.

I'm an absolute freak right now.

Hell on Earth.

Sleeping outside in the living room?

I hate my house.
I hate my room.
I hate termites.

And all of you should just zip it.

There's nowhere to do work or relax 'cos everyone's all over and I hate that as well.

I want to move out of this effing mini piece of hell.

Goodnight, world.

To you, my bestie, whom I've been missing - and no, this isn't crap;

I miss our talks at night,
clubbing sessions,
staying over at your place talking things out,
playing guitar heroes till late,
sharing tubs of icecream/icecream cakes while watching tv/vids;

to you, who's somewhere out there;
and to you, freedom that I own, you're completely out of reach now.

Goodnight.

Someone To Save Me.

The textiles test went badly today.
So did our review for our "Green is the new black" project.

School, lessons and lecturers are crappy.
Everything's getting to me.
Can't be bothered to start/finish anything.
But there's a History of Costume test again tomorrow.
When the hell can I stop breathing through strained lungs?


Now
Now
Oh my
Look at your bright stars fade so
How much can you take?

Roars and grrs and arghs.

How self-centered can a person get?


Twisted.

Burning on just like a match you strike

to incinerate the lives of everyone you know.


The pathetic-looking creature at the corner isn't what you think it is. Not everything is as it seems.

Those who listen, be fair. Listen to both sides of the story. There're always two sides to everything. Like Adam and Eve. Yin and Yang. Heaven and Earth.

No, this is not rubbish. If you do not understand what this post is about, don't call it trash. Don't give things a label. Don't give people labels too, just 'cos they're not living in your valley of death.

Not everyone who moves on is truly happy. And if they are, then give them a chance to be. Everyone deserves to find their very own ray of sunshine. If yours is still hidden behind stormy clouds or whatever, then search for it in another piece of sky. Don't wither in self-pity and make it seem like somebody owes you something. Accept the facts, and move on.

Instead of searching for someone or deeming someone as worthy, make yourself worthy of that person first. Of any person. Don't waste your time blaming, 'cos no one is in the wrong here. What is wrong with being with someone who makes you happy? You're that selfish that you won't even give others a chance to discover what happiness they've found? And no, happiness is not crap. Even if it's short-lived, let it be. Let the one who chose that path to carry on. If it is worth his/her time, then let that person be. What might not mean much to you might mean a hell lot to another.

Don't judge, 'cos you never know what you might do/become if you, one day, walk in another's shoes.

Give yourself another go. Not everyone's relationship is smooth-sailing. Not even at the beginning or when you find a brand-new love. Trust me. Trust people around you. Be happy for the one who has found someone. And don't lose hope in finding that one person for yourself. You never know. You never, ever do.

Bars, and not of gold.

I feel like a bloody caged animal.

More transformed fabrics due for Monday's Textiles.
Kinesics presentation,
and Ancient Civilization Project due Tuesday.
Textiles Research book due Wednesday.



GIVE ME STRENGTH.

EFF.

I.
AM.
FREAKING.
OUT.


WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS WORK SUCKS .

Sleep.

Well I could sleep forever
But it's of her I dream
If I could sleep forever
I could forget about everything
If I could sleep forever
If I could sleep forever
If I could sleep forever


I find myself floating, detached, in a dream-like world.

What is he saying?


It feels like nothing can be resolved; just that the desire is fulfilled. And we're being swept away by the words of this seemingly endless melody. We're drifting into some sort of serene illusion.

I want to go someplace quiet and eradicate this feeling of world-weariness.

Remember.

Days are racing ahead to another year.

When this year closes, I would have learnt, loved, lost, endured, enjoyed, cherished, abandoned and understood alot more than I would later realize. There's nothing I want to forget. But the thing about memories is that they fade into tiny specks in your brain and then disintegrate into nothingness.

What does it say about the memories you actually remember for a lifetime?

If love is blind, if love's a drug

It always is
It always was and
Love was surely made for fools like me


Lisa Loeb sure knows how to sing a song.
RAH.

Running out.

No time, no time, no time.
No time for myself or anyone else. Everything is going to suck very soon.

I miss everyone.


Random; completely missed NDP this year.

And to my BFOL: WE DIDN'T GET THE CALL. SOB.

Broken, now.

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
They are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now,
haven't forgotten my way home

Ne-vos brkdwn.

Breaking down is a form of everyday exercise.

Anyway, for those who frequent this place for no particular reason and then post some quote tagged in italics about me on your own blog, get a life, stop visiting and stop trying to insult others just 'cos you're childish. You don't know half the story, and your so-called friends don't as well. It's so pathetic and retarded really.

Stop being an attention-seeker just 'cos you don't have anyone.

Just/don't stop.

I've tried.
Stop trying to make me parent him 'cos there's only so much I can do.

He needs to believe in himself; all of us haven't stopped.


Show us, show me what you're truly worthy of.
Don't give up on yourself because I will never stop believing in you.
I'm here.

Thank-you;

D
for the hand-made waterglobe -w/o water;

Two Hello Kitty crazies, my Brazilian model & class girls
for the surprise birthday cake in school;

BFOL Min, cOngx & Ray
for the chauffeuring, dinner at Dempsey's PS Cafe, the wine up at Henderson Ridges and CS at X-Fire;

Hoho/Mr. Wednesday
for the movie and D&G perfume;

Min, Hoho, Sissy, Niecy & D
for the dinner at Giraffe and mahjong session after,
for the Guitar Heroes session and surprise birthday cake;

Daddy, Mummy & Ant
for the delicious high tea at Meritus Mandarin.

And of 'cos to everyone who extended their birthday wishes.
Love you all.

Think of me, and of me.

Hold up
Hold on
Don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile (May your smile)
Shine on (Shine on)
Don't be scared (Don't be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm

'Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

Get up (Get up)
Come on (Come on)
Why're you scared? (I'm not scared)
You'll never change
What's been and gone

'Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

'Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

We're all of us stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see us some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out

-Oasis

Stare the city down again.

Not as bad as I thought, since I have the ability to control how I pass my time, and what I want to do.

These six days have passed somewhat like a dream upon waking. Being out there in another part of the world has made me realize we're aren't such big cheeses in the grand scheme of life after all. There're so many more wondrous things to look at, to listen to, to touch with your hands and to feel with your heart.

I stand on the streets of HK, speechless and overwhelmed by the high-rise office buildings, the huge luxe shopping districts, the honking traffic scenes, the shimmering, sparkly lights and strange foreign sounds, and all I can do is lift my ever-trusty camera up and snap. In all logic and rationale, weird and nonsensical they may seem, these captured visions will remind me of how I stayed and strayed, how the world is a place for us to conquer, and how one must make every applied action count.


Time for school again.

Leaving On A Jet(Star) Plane.

Leaving home in minus two hours time. I'll arrive at the airport later as a zombie and my prediction of being knocked out on the plane will soon be true.

Realized most of the clothes I packed are black-based. Hmm.

Somehow the anticipation I've had since this trip was first announced has died and decreased to almost a negative. But I know everything will be better (or seem better) by the time I step out of the plane and into the terminal over at HK.

Almost time to put on a big, fat, fake smile again.

Six-day countdown to go. Adios!

.

STOP SPREADING STUPID RUMOURS, ASSHOLE.

We both know what YOU did.

Sparks, passion, chemistry.

It takes alot to start a fire.

One needs to strike the right match against the right side of the right matchbox.

Even then, can one be sure of the duration that the match will stay lighted before extinguishing itself?

4-day getaway.

DAY 1
Taking the Penguin-lookalike ferry to our Bintan getaway.
Checking out our beautiful, beautiful villa.
Mini soccer game, touch rugby.
Taking our first dip into the pool(s).
Having our S$18-per-person dinner at the Kelong Restaurant.
Admiring the mass omni-theatre/3D-effect amount of stars.
Playing mahjong with extremely zombified faces.
Watching the ridiculously no-link thriller.

DAY 2
Waking up to "Where's the Colgate?"
Breakfast! Omelette, bacon, sausages, pancakes, Jap fish & rice...
Beach Club.(:
Screaming our lungs out, holding on for dear life on the banana boat!
JET SKIING JET SKIING JETSKIING!
Waiting out the rain under the furiously-leaking wooden roof.
Lazing around our poolside.
Pasar Oleh Oleh!
Cooking our Angel Hair spaghetti dinner.
Big surprise plan for our dear Hoho.(: Upstairs, upstairs. *wink wink*
4-hour wait for our Tiramisu birthday cake.
DRINKING GAME!(: (:

Ace: Choose one person to drink.
2: Choose two people to drink.
3: Choose three people to drink.
4: Set a rule. "WASSUP!"
5: Everybody plays 5/10.
6: Action card. "Andrei's chair is longer!"
7: Everybody say "HE JIU"!
8: Pick a theme. Brands, cars, watches, aircons...
9: Safe card. "I really need to pee!"
10: Drink yourself.
Jack: Chin-master.
Queen: Question-master. "What mixer do you want?"
King: Add any mixer.

Prawn's 'gone' actions, Hoho's red face and body...
Massive dancing/rolling session in the dining area.
Spinning the sofa with Hoho collapsed upon it.
Clearing up after much damage was done for the night.
Girltalk till the wee hours of the morning.

DAY 3
Knocking in the morning; intruder alert.
Curry chicken, sunny-side-up, cornflakes, blahblah...
Bluff! "You bitch!"
Beach volleyball on the hot, hot sand in the hot, hot sun.
Taking a dip, ChocoFudge cake before sending Hoho off.
Shopping; FOS!
Being drama serial critics.
Sesame oil noodle dinner.
Who, What, Why! (How, Huh?)
Indian Poker & Charades. Zookeeper, batik, satellite, locust, pedophile, bagpiper...

DAY 4
(Mostly) Empty stomachs.
Packing up, all good to go.
Check-out, cabbing for last-min FOS shopping.
Saying bye to Bintan and hello again to Sg.
Filling hungry tummies with chicken rice at arrival hall.
Homeeeeeeeeee!

All these energy, but for?

All hyped up, and nowhere to go.
Don't kill me when you see this please.
I know I said I didn't want to go.
Need a punching bag.

Nevertheless, happy for Ant. And anxious, too.

*
I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way
.

IMY,

that somebody out there.

I miss having someone as my own. Somebody I can be totally comfortable with, someone I don't have to be polite to, don't have to care about my appearance or image with, someone I can yak about anything to, someone I can wake up and drift off to dreamland with, somebody who needs me as much as I need him, and accepts whatever/whoever I am or become.

Somebody who lives and breathes me.

How true.

"I fell in love."

"Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one."

For that split second, you could have resisted it.

You've stayed rather close.

'They're all of me.'

"Yeah. Yeah.
Yes."

'But...
You never talk to me. You always talk to Peter.
'You don't like me.'

"I hope it's useful. Don't show it around too much. Needs a bit of editing. Look, I've got to get to a... lunch. Early lunch. You can just show yourself out, can't you?"



"It's a... self-preservation thing, you see."



Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
And I won't go
I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave
And I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here
And I won't go
And I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

Get this procedure underway.

Let's start with
your most recent memories...

and work backwards from there,
more or less.

There's an emotional core...

to each of our memories,

and when you eradicate that core
it starts its degradation process.

By the time you wake up
in the morning,

all the memories we've targeted
will have withered and disappeared,

as in a dream upon waking.



After all that's been said and done,
it's time.

Good morning. Lacuna.

Now, the, uh...
What if
you could erase
the first thing
we need you to do, Mr. Barish,
that one person
you've held dear
is to go home...
for a very,
very long time?
and collect everything you own
that has some association with Clementine.
Would you
do in on impulse?
Anything.
Decide to erase him/her
as a lark?
And we'll use these items to create
a map of Clementine in your brain.
Would you give up
your memories together,
Okay?
to make your pain
go away?
So we'll need, uh,
uh, photos, clothing, gifts,
Would you
let everything go,
books she may have bought you,
CDs you may have bought together,
even if you knew
you'd regret it in the process?
journal entries.
Do you believe
so much in starting over
We want to empty your home...
that you'd risk
the good memories
We want to empty your life
of Clementine.
just so
you can get rid
And after the mapping is done,
our technicians will do the erasing
in your home tonight.
of the
bad ones?
That way, when you awake
in the morning,
In the end,
are you doing this out of hate,
you'll find yourself in your own bed
as if nothing had happened...
or out of
love?
a new life awaiting you.

Love.Sex.Passion.Fear.Obsession.

What lingered after them was not life, but the most trivial list of mundane facts:

a clock ticking on a wall,
a room dim at noon,
and the outrageousness of a human being
thinking only of herself.

What the world needs is more of these
blank,
hypnotic films,
and less of love.

Charlotte York to Big

I curse the day you were born!

Just the water-breaking line every pregnant lady should say.
What an irony.

Disgust.

Whatever I say here is justified.

Look at yourself in the mirror and know that I have better standards. I thought you were a nice person. What a loser. It's so despicable what you've done to save your own skin. You disgust me. I can never say it enough.

So desperate to get yourself out of your own mess that you have to spoil my name? Burn in hell, loser. Those people who actually believe you either are blind as you are, or are just entertaining you 'cos they feel sorry for you. I do too, that you're in such denial you can't get past the fact that noone would be interested unless you imagine them to be. If you did something to hurt your friend, then admit it, apologize, and if your friendship is strong enough, he will forgive you. If not, it's your problem. DO NOT try to frame me and make me play a role so vomit-inducing that it just makes you look so pathetically desperate.

I have eye-witnesses. Even your friends who were there. I firmly believe they would know I have better taste.

Insecured, lying loser. If you are a man, you'd have the guts to admit that what you said wasn't even a percent true. Don't be so desperate. If you need someone to be interested, then do something about yourself. Like change your personality 'cos it obviously isn't working for you.

You're a pathetic excuse for a man. And for someone I've only met twice and barely know, you're the ultimate loser.

Get on and leave me out of your lies.

Horn.

Prince Caspian: [gives Susan her horn back]
Maybe it's time you had this back.

Susan Pevensie: [gives the horn back]
Why don't you hold on to it - you might need to call me again.

[a pause while Susan and Caspian exchange a long glance]

Lucy Pevensie: [quoting Susan as they ride off]
"You might need to call me again"?

Susan Pevensie: Oh, shut up.

The Call

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'till it was a battle cry

I'll come back..
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before

All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back when its over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
*

by Regina Spektor


Everytime this song plays I feel an overwhelming urge to be someplace else. My breath catches in my throat and I feel like I'm about to throw up. It's the feeling you get when you know it's not within your control and that it can't be changed. It feels like I have to come back, even if I don't want to.

I will always be reminded when I listen to this song.
It breaks my heart.


You walk towards the space between now and then, knowing you can never to go back to the place you want to be the most again.

Something to be happy about.

Though the recent chain of events have been most unfortunate, I- We, should all think of happy thoughts, cheer up and listen to this song by HelloGoodBye. The words are so heartfelt and sincere, and the way he sings is so earnest my spirit just lifts as I listen to him belting out the lyrics to this sweet song.
*

Oh, it is love
From the first time I set my eyes up on yours
Thinking oh, is it love?

Oh dear
It's been hardly a moment
And you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin
That I've yet to have kissed
Oh say please do not go
But you know, oh, you know that I must
Oh say I love you so
But you know, oh, you know you can trust
We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans I will mend
I will hold you tight so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my hand into yours
Thinking oh is it love?

Oh, dear, it's been hardly three days
And I'm longing to feel your embrace.
There are several days
Until I can see your sweet face.
Oh say, wouldn't you like to be older and married with me
Oh say, wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be
Someday holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh is it love?

Your heart may long for love that is more near
So when I'm gone these words will be here
To ease every fear
And dry up every tear
And make it very clear
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh is it love?

Oh it is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking oh is it love?

I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips onto yours
Thinking oh is it love?
*


And if listening to this doesn't put you into a happier mood then follow these steps:

Step 1: Search for a mirror within your house (or outside if you really don't mind being mocked at by the public).

Step 2: Stand in front of the mirror and brace yourself.

Step 3: Work your mouth muscles and smile.

Step 4: Hold the smile for 5 minutes and stare at your smiling face.


Dumb, but it works.
Taught by a certain superbody/somehero.
(:

P for?

Power. Pressure. Pain.

Simple things.

It's the small things that matter the most. The things in life that make us happy are simple; and they differ for everyone of us.

Thunderstorm; using the lappy.
Tanning/updating sessions with brother Ant.
Riding on the ECP overlooking Shenton Way/Singapore Flyer/whatever that is called.
Listening to waves crashing on the shores of East Coast.
Sitting in cars driven by our boys and getting lost and driving in circles and getting soooooooo scared/irritated/tickled.
Playing CS and shouting/screaming/cheering in triumph across the room.
Guitar tabs; strumming 'More Than Words'.
Singing!
Ben & Jerry's Phish Food sessions.
Listening to specific playlists and songs on the iPod.
Taking photos for the Besties' Online Shop.
Grooving to the rhythm on the dance floor with friends.
Learning 'Love Song' on the piano.
Editing work with Mummy.
Watching Gossip Girl and Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy and blahblahs.
Chatting over lunch with schoolmates.
Roaming about town watching movies and searching for suitable presents for unknown people.
Guitar heroes and Winning Eleven.
Supper trips with Bestie and random groups/gangs.
Having long, nonsensical, emotional, crappy, serious talks with Bestie.
Tom yum bei mian!
Receiving treasured messages from treasured people.


Simple things. Perfect, little simple things.(:

Unusually hard to hold on to.

Head under water
And they tell me to breathe easy for a while
Breathing gets harder, even I know that
Made room for me, it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way
That they all say things you want to hear
My heavy heart sinks deep down under
And you and your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello to high and dry

Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone
'Cause I believe there's a way you can love me
Because I say
I won't write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's make or break in this

Is that why you wanted a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas
When I believe that there's a reason to
Write you a love song today
*
Love Song by Sara Bareilles.


It's so hard when she doesn't even know what she wants. She has lost the ability to feel, to really feel. There is, somehow, little to look forward to, and it has become impossible not to doubt what others say. Everything surrounding becomes more simplistic, but inside she feels more complicated than ever.

She feels a certain part of her fading with each passing day.

My name is Rain.

I like black.
Black looks good.

You crack me up, you bring my mood down, you take me high up in a capsule, then put me low on the rocks where the tide is coming in.

Everyday's different with you.(:

Too numb to love.

It's so hard to rebuild something. It's so hard to feel that same exhilaration all over again. It's so hard to look into someone's eyes and say what's supposed to be said and meant.

I just want to feel special again. Be passionate. Be optimistic. Be somebody worth feeling loved.

But what happens if I'm not worth it?

Her tears, for you.

I felt the same hurt and pain she did when I read those entries. She fell hard, only to be broken in the end. I want to say it wasn't meant to be, but I can't. I won't, 'cause if I were the one I would never have the courage to continue loving someone like she did. Continue caring like it never happened.

Why do we do this? All of us. Why do we mishandle love like this? We've abused so much.

At the end of the day, we are all afraid of feeling the same pain all over again.
Me. My other half. Her. You.

In minus thirty-six hours.

Extreme case of jitters.
Butterflies in my stomach and all that crap, yes.

The clock's ticking down every second.
Tooooo slow.
Argh.

I wonder how it's going to be like.

4 In The Morning

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot

And all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less 'cause
You know I give you all of me

I'll give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring
and I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down

It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?

And all I know is
You got to give me everything
Nothing less 'cause
You know I give you all of me

I'll give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring
and I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

And all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less 'cause
You know I give you all of me

I'll give you everything that I am
I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go and give you up
Stay up till four in the morning and the tears are pouring
and I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

High.

I want to get so high, I can't feel anything but euphoria.

When can I have that?

Dreams.

Sometimes I dream, then wake up thinking you're here.

L for Loser.

You who judge without reason. You who malign others without evidence.

Yes, you.

You don't know me. You don't know half my story. You don't know my past with him. You don't know what he did to me and you know what? You don't have any business in knowing, neither do you have any right to say untruths about me. If you have anything to talk to me about, tell me in the face. Show yourself and don't be afraid to say it if you have anything to back it up with.

But seriously, I don't think you'd even have the guts to come up to me, look me in the eye and tell me what your problem is. And I'm very sure you don't have ANY good reason to back your claim up. So you know what, noseyparker? You can burn in hell. One day you shall receive your well-deserved retribution and someone will see to it that you shall be tortured and utterly, socially rejected.

I shall toss back whatever rubbish you started and live my life. 'Cos unlike you, I have a life. Goodbye, loser.

Where to, darling?

Sometimes you give up walking the safer path for the one that is fogged, foreign. You don't know whether it'd bring you anywhere in the end, but you go for it anyway. Because you want to believe that it will lead you somewhere in the end. Somewhere that would be worth you taking that path in the first place. Because you are willing to risk an ending you know for an ending you don't.

Because no matter what happens, you believe it will all be worth it, even if it means getting yourself hurt along the way.

I'm Yours

by Jason Mraz

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
and now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out I'll be giving it my bestest
Nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn
to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A lá peaceful melody
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love love

So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait
I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed

I guess what I'm saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
No need to complicate
Our time is short
It can not wait, I'm yours

Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
A lá one big family
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved love love love

I won't hesitate no more
Oh no more no more no more
It's your God-forsaken right to be loved,
I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

No I won't hesitate no more, no more
This cannot wait I'm sure

There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate,

I'm yours, I'm yours

Somber, somber night.

I wanted to alight, jump into a cab, head home and curl up into a ball under my blanket when it happened.

But I wanted to be there for bestie, and to be honest, I needed her with me more.

We managed to make it through the night together. Eating stale cake at the airport, worrying over and deciphering messages, going over memories, taking ridiculously funny photos, eating our favourite cup noodles, singing to old songs...
You're my rock, my raft, my tree.

I can never tell you how much I treasure you.

Like she said:
M & V, B & S.(:

So I did.

So I said it.

It may have already been so obvious it doesn't matter whether I have or not, but it still feels like I just put everything I have into another's hands. Though it has only been this amount of time. Though it may not turn out to be anything at all in the end.

That week seemed short. Happy, but short-lived. I barely know anything, and somehow I feel I've known for ages. I don't know if I'm thinking too much.

You've known someone for six months; nothing.
You've known someone for three weeks; and...?

How our hearts and minds work, I guess I'll never understand. No time is wasted on pondering though. All I have is here, now, today.

XOXO, Gossip Boy

Boys will be boys, seriously.


8 days out, then a little more to go.


X.O.X.O.

Somebody's crying.

"You know somebody, and they cry for you. They stay awake at night and dream of you. I bet you never even know that they do, but somebody's crying for you."

Strange and Beautiful- Aqualung

I've been watching your world from afar
I've been trying to be where you are
And I've been secretly falling apart
Unseen

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful
You'd be so perfect with me
But you just can't see
You turn every head but you don't see me

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realize that you love me

Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do
Sometimes

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
Cause I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realize that you love me, yeah






You think you're just normal.
You think you can't make anyone feel better.
You think you're no good for anyone.
You think you're going to be left picking up the pieces alone.
But you're not.


You're special; you make me smile, you make me happy.
You mean more than you think you do.
And you're not alone.

I'm here.

Disappearing acts.

Everything will work out in time. Hold it in, let it come to you.

Don't disappear on me now.

Wait, don't wait.

Will you wait for me, wait for you?
Or will you go away knowing that you will one day?

And the days feel like years when I'm alone.

You meant so much to me. But I'm okay now. Slowly but surely I am beginning to feel alive again. After all, there can be no regrets.

I guess there is no such thing as a 'happy ending'.

I shan't call out to anyone nor will I pretend to be strong. From now on I will just be me. I shall learn to live and dream for myself.

She once said:

'I will never allow anyone to hurt me, 'cos I love myself more than I love anyone else. No one shall ever be able to intrude. I own my own heart and no one will ever be able to mess with my head. This is the only way to protect myself.'

I still keep this message in my book. Everytime I read it, I hope to draw some of your courage and strength and passion for yourself. I hope to be able to do the same. I remember I once told bestie that we will never be able to become like that because of the way we feel and handle things. We will always allow ourselves to become vulnerable; we will always open our hearts fully only to have them torn apart in the end.

When we were young we see only black and white. But as we grow shades of grey appear, these confusing grey patches that cloud us from having a clear sense of right or wrong. No one will ever be able to tell you what you must/should do. How can we trust ourselves to make the right decisions at the right times anymore? How do we know if this is the way we should act? How can we be sure that this is how things should turn out to be?

I don't have all the answers. I wish I could just leave all these behind.

Do what you will with me.

Almost a year has passed since that faithful night. Almost a year, since we happened.

There will be no more tears 'cos there isn't anything to cry about anymore. Whatever happens in the future will not matter; you will be tucked away somewhere in my heart and that's where you will stay. Maybe one day when the hurt has completely subsided, I will hear the answers from you. For now, I shall not probe further nor shall I ask anymore of you. These past days, weeks have been too much for both of us to bear.

I shall not venture into who did what and who did the other party wrong. These reasons are going to be so meaningless. I just know they will be.





If you ever read this, don't bother mending my heart. Instead look into my eyes and tell me the words you'd promised never to say. Tell me, then let me be.

I will be okay.

.

I tell myself I will never be the girl I used to be years ago.

Now, I'm not so sure.

(Stay) Here with me.

I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory



You haven't done anything. You haven't said much. You haven't been there.
I wish I could drill it into your brain. Not now. Not yet.

I try to open my mouth, but no words seem to form. But instead of breaking down I will hold my head high. I will stand tall and act like the girl you want me to be. The one that I am not, but you know I will do it anyway.

I am fine. When I stand in the crowd I don't feel the slightest bit hurt. Maybe I need to be around them; I need to extract whatever strength they have and breathe it in. This way everything would then seem alright. Everything's fine, I say. I can do this, I say.

Yes, I can do this. But can you? Will you?

Fall To Pieces

I looked away then I look back at you,
You try to say
the things that you can't undo,
If I had my way
I'd never get over you,
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through.

Make it through the fall,
Make it through it all.

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you.

You're the only one
I'd be with till the end.
When I come undone
you bring me back again.

Back under the stars,
Back into your arms.

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you.

Wanna know who you are,
Wanna know where to start,
I wanna know what this means.

Wanna know how you feel,
Wanna know what is real.
I wanna know everything
Everything.

I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
I don't wanna talk about it.

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
and I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you,
'Cause I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you,
I'm in love with you.





How apt.

How is it that two people can be so close and yet so far apart at the same?