against all experience.
Thursday
Monday
A heavy heart,
and tears in her eyes when I came in.
I look at the wallpaper on my phone and think of how she must be feeling, how she must feel everyday just lying there, staring at the ceiling with that shaft of light next to her.
It's such a damn waste that she can't be surrounded by kids whom she'd love and take care of. In my mind there's always an image of a smiling and contented woman, but we all know she can't be that. That imaginary woman is just that - imaginary, and she'll never exist nor be able to.
Lying there is no less painful than being a vegetable. Vegetables can't move like her, they can't eat, talk, they can't even open their eyelids. But they are thinking endlessly; their minds and dreams moving a million miles a minute. Thinking all day. And all night. Sleeping and waking without anyone noticing. And thinking again. No pain, no way to show that you're still alive other than the beep of a heart monitor and the rising and falling of your chest. Choose to die? That isn't even a possibility.
Even a minute would seem like forever. In this case, it is forever.
-
It's not always better when you have that choice.
When you hurt people by choosing.
When you hurt them by not choosing.
I look at the wallpaper on my phone and think of how she must be feeling, how she must feel everyday just lying there, staring at the ceiling with that shaft of light next to her.
It's such a damn waste that she can't be surrounded by kids whom she'd love and take care of. In my mind there's always an image of a smiling and contented woman, but we all know she can't be that. That imaginary woman is just that - imaginary, and she'll never exist nor be able to.
Lying there is no less painful than being a vegetable. Vegetables can't move like her, they can't eat, talk, they can't even open their eyelids. But they are thinking endlessly; their minds and dreams moving a million miles a minute. Thinking all day. And all night. Sleeping and waking without anyone noticing. And thinking again. No pain, no way to show that you're still alive other than the beep of a heart monitor and the rising and falling of your chest. Choose to die? That isn't even a possibility.
Even a minute would seem like forever. In this case, it is forever.
-
It's not always better when you have that choice.
When you hurt people by choosing.
When you hurt them by not choosing.
Friday
What if.
I still think about this _____.
Sometimes _____ appears -
in my dreams.
And I still
keep some things. The only things left.
And some in my book.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
