All these energy, but for?

All hyped up, and nowhere to go.
Don't kill me when you see this please.
I know I said I didn't want to go.
Need a punching bag.

Nevertheless, happy for Ant. And anxious, too.

*
I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way
.

IMY,

that somebody out there.

I miss having someone as my own. Somebody I can be totally comfortable with, someone I don't have to be polite to, don't have to care about my appearance or image with, someone I can yak about anything to, someone I can wake up and drift off to dreamland with, somebody who needs me as much as I need him, and accepts whatever/whoever I am or become.

Somebody who lives and breathes me.

How true.

"I fell in love."

"Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one."

For that split second, you could have resisted it.

You've stayed rather close.

'They're all of me.'

"Yeah. Yeah.
Yes."

'But...
You never talk to me. You always talk to Peter.
'You don't like me.'

"I hope it's useful. Don't show it around too much. Needs a bit of editing. Look, I've got to get to a... lunch. Early lunch. You can just show yourself out, can't you?"



"It's a... self-preservation thing, you see."



Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
And I won't go
I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me
And I won't leave
And I can't hide
I cannot be
Until you're resting here
And I won't go
And I won't sleep
And I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me

Get this procedure underway.

Let's start with
your most recent memories...

and work backwards from there,
more or less.

There's an emotional core...

to each of our memories,

and when you eradicate that core
it starts its degradation process.

By the time you wake up
in the morning,

all the memories we've targeted
will have withered and disappeared,

as in a dream upon waking.



After all that's been said and done,
it's time.

Good morning. Lacuna.

Now, the, uh...
What if
you could erase
the first thing
we need you to do, Mr. Barish,
that one person
you've held dear
is to go home...
for a very,
very long time?
and collect everything you own
that has some association with Clementine.
Would you
do in on impulse?
Anything.
Decide to erase him/her
as a lark?
And we'll use these items to create
a map of Clementine in your brain.
Would you give up
your memories together,
Okay?
to make your pain
go away?
So we'll need, uh,
uh, photos, clothing, gifts,
Would you
let everything go,
books she may have bought you,
CDs you may have bought together,
even if you knew
you'd regret it in the process?
journal entries.
Do you believe
so much in starting over
We want to empty your home...
that you'd risk
the good memories
We want to empty your life
of Clementine.
just so
you can get rid
And after the mapping is done,
our technicians will do the erasing
in your home tonight.
of the
bad ones?
That way, when you awake
in the morning,
In the end,
are you doing this out of hate,
you'll find yourself in your own bed
as if nothing had happened...
or out of
love?
a new life awaiting you.

Love.Sex.Passion.Fear.Obsession.

What lingered after them was not life, but the most trivial list of mundane facts:

a clock ticking on a wall,
a room dim at noon,
and the outrageousness of a human being
thinking only of herself.

What the world needs is more of these
blank,
hypnotic films,
and less of love.

Charlotte York to Big

I curse the day you were born!

Just the water-breaking line every pregnant lady should say.
What an irony.

Disgust.

Whatever I say here is justified.

Look at yourself in the mirror and know that I have better standards. I thought you were a nice person. What a loser. It's so despicable what you've done to save your own skin. You disgust me. I can never say it enough.

So desperate to get yourself out of your own mess that you have to spoil my name? Burn in hell, loser. Those people who actually believe you either are blind as you are, or are just entertaining you 'cos they feel sorry for you. I do too, that you're in such denial you can't get past the fact that noone would be interested unless you imagine them to be. If you did something to hurt your friend, then admit it, apologize, and if your friendship is strong enough, he will forgive you. If not, it's your problem. DO NOT try to frame me and make me play a role so vomit-inducing that it just makes you look so pathetically desperate.

I have eye-witnesses. Even your friends who were there. I firmly believe they would know I have better taste.

Insecured, lying loser. If you are a man, you'd have the guts to admit that what you said wasn't even a percent true. Don't be so desperate. If you need someone to be interested, then do something about yourself. Like change your personality 'cos it obviously isn't working for you.

You're a pathetic excuse for a man. And for someone I've only met twice and barely know, you're the ultimate loser.

Get on and leave me out of your lies.

Horn.

Prince Caspian: [gives Susan her horn back]
Maybe it's time you had this back.

Susan Pevensie: [gives the horn back]
Why don't you hold on to it - you might need to call me again.

[a pause while Susan and Caspian exchange a long glance]

Lucy Pevensie: [quoting Susan as they ride off]
"You might need to call me again"?

Susan Pevensie: Oh, shut up.

The Call

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'till it was a battle cry

I'll come back..
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before

All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back when its over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye
*

by Regina Spektor


Everytime this song plays I feel an overwhelming urge to be someplace else. My breath catches in my throat and I feel like I'm about to throw up. It's the feeling you get when you know it's not within your control and that it can't be changed. It feels like I have to come back, even if I don't want to.

I will always be reminded when I listen to this song.
It breaks my heart.


You walk towards the space between now and then, knowing you can never to go back to the place you want to be the most again.