More than ever during times like these - like what, exactly? Even I'm not sure what they are - I need to talk to you. Or I want to. It's not a need, or is it? Is it more of a want than a need, or do wants gradually become needs? I don't know, I'm digressing.
It's not when I'm sad or depressed or angry at the world or whatever; it's those particular moments. Like when you hear a certain song it transports you back into the scene when you first heard it - how you felt, where you were and what you were, even. I want to share those feelings with you again, albeit it probably wasn't anything worth talking about. I don't even remember much of our dialogue, actually. Were those words, phrases, sentences even considered conversations?
No, they were prose. There wasn't a beginning (or did it have one?). There wasn't an ending (it didn't need one). It was just... the middle. Full of ramblings and going-ons that I don't even remember now. I thought I could but I can't remember now. Why do I like to delve into this endless and meaningless(?) chatter - except that it wasn't meaningless and I still don't think it is.
Why aren't you trying to continue what you said you wanted? This doesn't equate to love - what the heck is love, anyway? Just a word that doesn't serve to explain itself - but I might be in love with those words. They were beautiful, sometimes hurting, but still true. I miss those words.
I know where you are, but, where, no really, where exactly are you?
Wednesday
Friday
MTF.
G:
Remember - now the world is changing.
They need people from different fields.
MBA schools are now heavily recruiting sportsmen for business schools;
where they know NOTHING about business,
and their managers manage their money.
V:
Really?
You mean in the US?
G:
Yeah, I read it in Businessweek.
You want to know why?
No. 1:
The world is becoming or has already turned into a flat-ceiling society where everyone get access to any information.
No. 2:
Who cares even if you don't have business knowledge?
No. 3:
They want sportsmen to be in their business school for their qualities - their determination, perseverance, and team work. In businesses, people work in teams and everything is about teamwork.
This article definitely enlightens me, even in the real world.
Companies recruit people from different fields to manage their companies.
For instance, Toyota is recruiting people who know NOTHING about cars to manage -
because they want a different perspective.
Many American companies are recruiting from Singapore too, and putting Singaporeans in their offices now.
I think this phenomenon is happening really quickly especially since the economy is in such a mess now.
People are eagerly looking for ways to increase their profit and the only way is to step away from convention and tradition.
That's what I think.
I don't know why I suddenly became so philosophical.
Hope this gives you hope.
-
It does, dear.
Thank you.
Remember - now the world is changing.
They need people from different fields.
MBA schools are now heavily recruiting sportsmen for business schools;
where they know NOTHING about business,
and their managers manage their money.
V:
Really?
You mean in the US?
G:
Yeah, I read it in Businessweek.
You want to know why?
No. 1:
The world is becoming or has already turned into a flat-ceiling society where everyone get access to any information.
No. 2:
Who cares even if you don't have business knowledge?
No. 3:
They want sportsmen to be in their business school for their qualities - their determination, perseverance, and team work. In businesses, people work in teams and everything is about teamwork.
This article definitely enlightens me, even in the real world.
Companies recruit people from different fields to manage their companies.
For instance, Toyota is recruiting people who know NOTHING about cars to manage -
because they want a different perspective.
Many American companies are recruiting from Singapore too, and putting Singaporeans in their offices now.
I think this phenomenon is happening really quickly especially since the economy is in such a mess now.
People are eagerly looking for ways to increase their profit and the only way is to step away from convention and tradition.
That's what I think.
I don't know why I suddenly became so philosophical.
Hope this gives you hope.
-
It does, dear.
Thank you.
Going back.
Again, again and again
Eyes clouding over with
unexplained hesitation
I hate you, and
I hate myself, and
I still think about how
it would have turned out
I prefer this feeling
to be anger;
Anything else so
I won't have to face
the smiling faces of both.
You (don't)
deserve to be happy.
Thursday
Monday
A heavy heart,
and tears in her eyes when I came in.
I look at the wallpaper on my phone and think of how she must be feeling, how she must feel everyday just lying there, staring at the ceiling with that shaft of light next to her.
It's such a damn waste that she can't be surrounded by kids whom she'd love and take care of. In my mind there's always an image of a smiling and contented woman, but we all know she can't be that. That imaginary woman is just that - imaginary, and she'll never exist nor be able to.
Lying there is no less painful than being a vegetable. Vegetables can't move like her, they can't eat, talk, they can't even open their eyelids. But they are thinking endlessly; their minds and dreams moving a million miles a minute. Thinking all day. And all night. Sleeping and waking without anyone noticing. And thinking again. No pain, no way to show that you're still alive other than the beep of a heart monitor and the rising and falling of your chest. Choose to die? That isn't even a possibility.
Even a minute would seem like forever. In this case, it is forever.
-
It's not always better when you have that choice.
When you hurt people by choosing.
When you hurt them by not choosing.
I look at the wallpaper on my phone and think of how she must be feeling, how she must feel everyday just lying there, staring at the ceiling with that shaft of light next to her.
It's such a damn waste that she can't be surrounded by kids whom she'd love and take care of. In my mind there's always an image of a smiling and contented woman, but we all know she can't be that. That imaginary woman is just that - imaginary, and she'll never exist nor be able to.
Lying there is no less painful than being a vegetable. Vegetables can't move like her, they can't eat, talk, they can't even open their eyelids. But they are thinking endlessly; their minds and dreams moving a million miles a minute. Thinking all day. And all night. Sleeping and waking without anyone noticing. And thinking again. No pain, no way to show that you're still alive other than the beep of a heart monitor and the rising and falling of your chest. Choose to die? That isn't even a possibility.
Even a minute would seem like forever. In this case, it is forever.
-
It's not always better when you have that choice.
When you hurt people by choosing.
When you hurt them by not choosing.
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