It started (how)

It was one of those

unexplainable moments of eye contact

that is immediately overanalyzed

and inevitably misread

Some sort of inspiration, I guess.

So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly-changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

- Chris McCandless

Drifting Further Away

Don't go too deep into the flood
Don't wade too long, you'll poison my love
Don't shut me out, don't hold it all in
Don't let my venom get under your skin

'Cause every word and every turn
Every sign points to your hurt
With every hour you're drifting further away

Come make your peace, come find your way
Come lay your wreath at the altar of change
Don't lose your step, don't break the bones
Don't shoulder the burden out there on your own

'Cause every word and every turn
Every sign points to your hurt
With every hour your drifting futher away

Don't banish me then bid me home
Then tell me where I came undone
Don't harbour love like it's all your own
Then linger over what you've done
Don't sink underneath the weight of
when you're trying to carry way too much

And you never should have let go
You could have joined in the whole show
I never should have let go
I never should have let go

'Cause every word and every turn
Every sign points to your hurt
With every hour you're drifting further away

-

'I know you don't understand me. I don't understand me. I wanted to show him compassion. That's why I went. That's the reason. And it was horrible... it was horrible.'

Why, should have.

A dozen 'should haves' and 'whys'.

Why didn't I keep those memories somewhere? Should have made them tangible, should have tucked them someplace safe. And now I can't remember them; afraid of losing the important ones, and yet parts, maybe important parts, are fading already.

The exposure recently, exposure to you, turned me into stone. As if in some form of nonchalant trance, or as if a hex of some kind was put on me. What is it that happens to me when you're around?

-

What is it that happens to me when you're around?

I try to say something
And nothing comes out
What is it that happens to me when you're around?

A broken voice
In a broken door
A broken choice
That I broke some more
A broken me
Am I breaking you?
And if i push you too hard
I push you right through

You just never knew.

That was the thing. You just never knew. Forever was so many different things. It was always changing, it was what everything was really all about. It was twenty minutes, or a hundred years, or just this instant, or any instant I wished would last and last. But there was one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening, right then, and every moment afterwards.

Sarah Dessen, The Truth about Forever.